{ August 29, 2003 }

That Kiss

That kiss. That kiss. That kiss.

Since Britney and Madonna locked lips on MTV's Video Music Awards (which desperately needs a name change since videos aren't a part of their programming any more) last night, I've felt like an unwitting participant in what will undoubtedly become a "moment" in popular culture. A kiss between two female titans -- one the real deal, one a south Florida, Mickey Mouse pop tart -- that however innocuous and silly, will be repeated ad nauseam both on MTV and other networks for years to come.

Here's how the game works. Early August each year, MTV disperses press releases and archival video clips to the general news media to hype the unpredictable, *shocking*, cultural watershed moments of past award shows, and how MTV was responsible for enriching everyone's dull lives in the process. News outlet entertainment writers, all too eager to lap up the dung bucket of triviality, remind us of Madonna rolling on the floor in her white wedding gown, of how uncomfortable everyone was watching Wacko Jacko kiss his wife, of Howard Stern descending from the ceiling in a gaseous cloud, and on, and on. MTV "personalities" (there are no VJs anymore) are then invited for on-air interviews to offer their "favorite moment" from past shows with a requisite kinky smile and flash of the eye, subsequently push the upcoming VMAs, and vaguely hint at what "could" happen this year. And, oh yeah, you have to tune in to see what happens.

Artists invited to perform on the program know all too well what is expected of them. They are all seeking the upper-hand, the defining moment, the clip that will be edited, re-packaged, and regurgitated in the national media the morning after on all the morning news shows, and as a part of MTV's aforementioned yearly publicity cycle for as long as the network exists.

Madonna, an expert at crafting moments like these, was likely the kiss' architect, and didn't have to clear it with anyone but herself. Britney on the other hand probably deferred Madonna's plan to her managers, who then held target-marketing studies, clicked through a series of PowerPoint pie charts in dimly-lit conference rooms, crunched Excel spreadsheet numbers, calibrated their "Britney-Coming-Of-Age" barometer to see if the time was right for such a display (sexy enough to titillate the kids, while toned-down enough to bypass conservative, middle-America parental units), tabulated the results to arrive at "yes," stuck a wind-up key in Britney's back, turned it clockwise a few turns, and pushed her out on stage to seal the deal.

One kiss, and the whole world goes ape shit.

And look at the result. MTV gets their post-show publicity and juicy fodder for next year's event, Britney is back in newspaper headlines without a new album, single or movie to promote, and Madonna pushes forward her relevancy clock a few good years. That is, if the kiss truly was a formative moment, and not a "passing of the guard" from her throne to the younger generation. Which, considering how poorly her last album sold, could be the real story everyone is missing.

Comments

I've always thought MTV should make an MTV Uncensored Uncensored. That's right, a no holds barred look at the spur-of-the-moment craziness that goes into making MTV Uncensored. The editors, the sound guys - it's all here, uncensored.

Posted by: Adam at August 29, 2003 10:26 AM

My best guess, too, is that the Olsen Twins will be the next in line to have an MTV "moment".

While looking through some of the stories and photos on the VMAs, I couldn't help but feel sad. Not because I don't care one whit about most of the music featured, but because the VMAs have become relevant only to marketeers and people quite willing to lap it up. How sad.

Posted by: Paul at August 29, 2003 10:50 AM

Don't forget, Madonna locked lips with Christina, too.

Actually, the best part of the kiss was when the cameras panned over to Justin Timberlake, and he just raised one eyebrow as if to say "been there, done that." Totally cool move.

Posted by: AVERAGE JOE at August 29, 2003 10:56 AM

I heard the JLo had originally been approached to be the kissee but had refused. She then decided not to show up at all lest she get up there and get accosted. Have no idea if it is true but when JLo now represents the high road you know you've got problems.

Posted by: john at August 29, 2003 11:02 AM

Two points.

First, "dung bucket of triviality" is one of the best crafted phrases I've heard all year, and is one that you should be proud of.

Second, whether you like it or not, you just became a part of that media juggernaut. You linked to the story, expanding the meme. Argue all you want about blogs as journalism, but the fact remains that these people don't go away until they stop getting press. Ask the New Kids On the Block.

True, you were, in fact, critical in your entry. But like they say, any press is good press.

Posted by: Chris Thompson at August 29, 2003 11:26 AM

read with a lil sarcasm:
Dear Todd, Please don't watch such fodder, and don't contribute to the media hype. We know you are a sucker for crap TV; "Temptation Island 3 (it's baaaaack.)". But you have an image to keep up as a highly respected web nerd. At least say something meaningful about QEFTSG.

Posted by: huphtur at August 29, 2003 11:28 AM

Madonna will undoubtly call this stunt her right to "creative expression". I am just glad we all see what it's really about. Shock value pure and simple. Not to mention getting her name in the news to promote her CD, MTV, or whatever. Thats all she has left is "shock value" since her last cd tanked.

Posted by: Woody at August 29, 2003 11:46 AM

Nice thoughts. A well written commentary on what was truly a overly crafted media moment. Now if Britney gagged after the exchange – or during - then that would be something for posterity.

Posted by: Blake at August 29, 2003 12:00 PM

Wow, I've become a "conservative, middle-America parental unit."

Posted by: Hugh at August 29, 2003 12:29 PM

Todd,

I don't like Madonna much either, but calling her "a south Florida, Mickey Mouse pop tart" really isn't nice.

Also, why are you cursing on your weblog now? I can't read it at work because of our firewall. This used to be a family site.

Posted by: William at August 29, 2003 1:06 PM

Wait a minute, praising Madonna for being the genuine article while insulting Britney as pre-fab? Um, do you remember what Madonna was like 20 years ago? Britney's already more genuine than that.

Posted by: Anil at August 29, 2003 1:39 PM

Sorry William, I can't tell if you were being sarcastic or not (damn internet), but Todd was talking about Brittney being the "pop tart," not Madonna. Madonna's from Detroit, yo. Also, since when did geeky Flash news and Standards rhetoric qualify as a "family oriented site?"

"Oh, daddy, daddy. Please let me stay up and read the CSS3 specification. Please."

Posted by: Adam at August 29, 2003 2:39 PM

Wow, analysis paralysis. Three hot chicks kissing, enjoy it!

Posted by: Mike at August 29, 2003 3:28 PM

I was being sarcastic, of course, but Anil made the point much better than I did.

And yes, this has always been a family site. I've been reading this site since 2001, and he used to pride himself on that.

Also, he references this site from his business site (domineydesign.com) so, in theory, potential clients are seeing this, and hence, seeing the cursing, etc.

Maybe they won't care.

Posted by: William at August 29, 2003 3:30 PM

oh dear god, watch out for the cussing, Todd! you wouldn't want to send the wrong message to clients. since i've cut back from four "fucks" to only three "fucks" a day on my site i've found that potential clients are SWARMING me, eager to work with someone who is obviously coming to her senses. it's been proven that success in this world is directly proportional to how many four letter words you have in your vocabulary. plus, i'm counting on your site being one of the staples of my own children's blog diet, and we don't say "shit" in our household. shame!

Posted by: dooce at August 29, 2003 5:53 PM

Todd, I saw it as a "passing of the torch" also.

I'm surprised nobody has mentioned the three of them indignantly singing some line about how "the radio always plays the same songs."

Posted by: Anode at August 29, 2003 5:56 PM

How sad for both of Madonna & Brittney. It felt so staged.

To me, Madonna is really looking like a 'wanna be' for the first time ever. Her new album was beyond bad. Her new Gap ad is ridiculous and makes her seem old. And now this new 'schlock-ing' moment. (yawn)

i'm ready for the end of 'pop'.
Everything is tired and boring. Pop. Rap. Rock. It’s all become meaningless and trite.

We need a new Nirvana. Something big, dangerous and totally out-of-left field.
My old 'destroy' t-shirt never felt more relevant.

Posted by: mr. ken at August 29, 2003 7:39 PM

I think the whole event perfectly sums up their careers.

Madonna: An opportunist whose ability to know what "shocks" people is more of a talent than actual singing ability.

Brittney: Pop tart on the downswing, so desperate for a kick start that she'll do something like this.

Christina: A career that's so far gone that she was right in the middle of the whole thing but no one's talking about her, only Brittney & Madonna.

Please remember to pass the dung bucket to the left.

Posted by: paul at August 30, 2003 12:12 AM

Um, do you remember what Madonna was like 20 years ago? Britney’s already more genuine than that.

In what universe? Madonna actually started out in underground dance clubs, at least underground compared to the mickey mouse club.

Madonna laid the ground work for britney, gave her the map. I'm no fan of madonna, but she's a pioneer and musical genius compared to britney.

Posted by: thomas at August 30, 2003 12:20 AM

People have said Britney is in the downswing, but I actually see her being in the upswing. With a new album coming out in November, I think it's fair that she is trying to regain some attention.

Posted by: Adam at August 30, 2003 10:01 AM

People have said Britney is in the downswing, but I actually see her being in the upswing. With a new album coming out in November, I think it's fair that she is trying to regain some attention.

Posted by: Adam at August 30, 2003 10:01 AM

I just love everybody!

Posted by: wilkes at August 30, 2003 2:42 PM

The perfect reason to go cableless. I'm so happy that we cut the cord.

Posted by: Amanda at August 30, 2003 6:37 PM

i'm a madonna girl. i'll admit that up front, so while i get that the moment was done to shock and titillate, i'm not up in arms about it. it's madonna. we've had 20 years of her pulling one string after another. i would argue that nothing she does qualifies as shocking anymore. although, to contradict myself, i found it shocking that she would kiss britney. ick.

as for madonna not having singing aiblity ... let's remember back to when lucky star came out and in an interview she said (paraphrased, cuz while i'm a nerd, i'm not nerdy enough to remember the thing verbatim), "you can find better singers than me. i am an entertainer." and i dare say, entertained us she has.

Posted by: patricia at August 31, 2003 12:21 AM

I agree with William in that Todd's site used to be much more adult, about things like HTML, validation, Apple, etc., and now that's changed.

It is a dissapointment to me on a personal level, because Todd seemed like a classier guy than that. I had thought I was the only one to notice.

It's almost like Bill Cosby starting to curse. You'd think to yourself ... "why? He was doing so well without all that. He was above that."

Just my .02.

Posted by: Tom at August 31, 2003 7:24 AM

I THINK CHRISTINA A. HAS A LOT MORE TALENT THAN BRITTNEY, BRITTNEY NEEDED "THAT KISS" TO KEEP HER IN THE HEADLINES. THE "VIRGIN" IS SPOON FEEDING US HER TRANSFORMATION INTO BAD GIRL STATUS HOPING TO KEEP US HOOKED LIKE A CHEESEIE SOAP OPERA. CHRISTINA IS NOT PRE-FABED AND HAS NEVER PRETENDED TO BE ANYTHING ELSE, SHE'S "BEEN THERE DONE THAT" DIDN'T NEED "THAT KISS" BUT WHY NOT IT WAS FREE.

Posted by: LERP at August 31, 2003 7:47 AM

Madonna laid the ground work for britney, gave her the map. I’m no fan of madonna, but she’s a pioneer and musical genius compared to britney.

A musical genius? You don't really believe that do you? They're both tired and weak and have been from the beginning. I'll admit that Madonna was much edgier and more original in her earlier years, but that speaks to her talent as an entertainer, not a musician.

Posted by: Paul M. at August 31, 2003 1:50 PM

I cant stand MT fucking V nor anyone on the fucking network, its for all hip hop shitheads with no talent and these pop stars who as said are desperate for attention. As if when turn on the fuckin tv there isnt enough of that glamorous shit and ugh, I hate them all.

Posted by: Striving Musician at August 31, 2003 3:35 PM

As you can see from the photos... Manufactured Pop-tart Brittney Smears locks lips with the once famous, "climb the risque ladder to success" shock sleaze ~Madonna.

In an unprecidented MTV VMA presentation, the two struggling performers engaged in a public display of poorly staged controversial psuedo-drama in an effort to shine one last media light on who many believe was Madonna rather than Brittney as rumors are now circulating that Jennifer Lopez was first offered the "kiss" but declined. (Is J Lo's publicist trying to recreate J Lo's image as a purist? Only time will tell how americas most naive pop-fans will recieve and react to the news of the beau-dumping pop-tramps new standards and dignity via record sales tallied later this fall)

Apparently the geniuses who developed the trite skit have already been dismissed from thier MTV writing appointments and are now appealing to shock jock Howard Stern for re-instatement to thier previous jobs with his radio show.

While verile adult men feverishly exchange the vids and clips of the MTV moment, teen girls nationwide have begun to question thier own sexuality while Madonna and Brittney album sales skyrocket in what many believe is a direct result of those same girls looking for answers to these troubling questions within the albums lyrics.

Posted by: Pete at August 31, 2003 4:29 PM

Any of you who did not enjoy those kisses, well there just must be something wrong with you.

Posted by: tracy at September 1, 2003 3:13 AM

How DARE you express yourself on your own weblog? Gods aren't allowed to have opinions and expressions like us mere mortals. You have to write about things WE want to read about, not what YOU want to write about. After all, we pay you for it...oops, no we don't. Personally, I'm just glad you write using correct spelling and grammar, unlike 99% of the people using the internet.

As for the kiss. To me it looked like two actors opening their mouths and briefly smacking their faces together. Could hardly call it a "kiss" in my rulebook.

Posted by: Lauri at September 1, 2003 2:27 PM

Emm i came across this page somewhere and decided to check it out and you lot sound really pathetic. The majority of you are dissing and judging them and why is there a whole big subject on a board about a peck? What is the big deal? Are you lot homophobic?

Posted by: Kirsty at September 1, 2003 3:20 PM

Pop music is not 'rock' music, with a social agenda, or 'message' (or simple, honest to goodness pretension). Pop is about capturing a moment in an event or a record and, ultimately, shifting units. In this context, this was a genius move by all concerned. High profiles mean high sales.

All the Nirvanas, Sex Pistols and Public Enemies will always fail to stop the Bee Gees, Britney and/or NKOTB. So we'll have to live with beautiful women snogging on telly to sell records. Damn!

Kirsty: seeing as neither Madonna nor Spears nor Aquilera are homosexual, and seeing how there is a loose consensus in these postings that using a homosexual pose merely to sell records is pretty tawdry, I fail to discern how you've managed to find homophobia in there.

Posted by: Carps at September 2, 2003 4:43 AM

Hmm. I think of all of this as an attempt by the Powers That Be to distract us from what's really going on.

Posted by: AJ at September 2, 2003 9:19 AM

Two untalented skanks, kissing the queen of skanks with a little bit of talent and a lot of skank experience. It was a truly touching event.

Posted by: monkeyinabox at September 2, 2003 4:50 PM

One kiss and the whole world goes ape shit!?!
Or is the whole world defined by the conservative double standards filled parts of the american society?

Posted by: nilo at September 3, 2003 5:57 AM

Paul M. -- Madonna "not a musician." She has been writing every single note on evey single CD/ALBUM she has ever made including the music. Not only that but back in the Funhouse days (circa nyc 84' - of course you would not know what that is?) she was setting trends even when she did not have a label or any money. Everybody wanted to know her even if she was nobody. So the people that do not know that

1. either have their heads up their asses so far in that they don't see sunshine or
2. are the type that don't like to give credit when it is due no matter what.

With that being said the real issue is wether lil' Justin is finally gonna come out the closet and perform the same stunt with say Ricky Martin? Justin is probably just thinking "Lord I want to do that with a boy".

Posted by: Ricardo at September 3, 2003 10:20 AM

The movie "Chicago" had a sexy opening scene!!! Then we have Madonna and Britney making out right after daughter Lourdes acts as a flower girl. MMM very classy! I thought Madonna outgrew this bullsit. I guess she needs more Yoga and kabbalah classes to get control of her ego. She is wonderfully eclectic and innovative, but girls lets leave the singing to Miss Christina next time.

Posted by: Michele at September 3, 2003 11:58 AM

Dude, i dun see why all you guys are complaining and shit,ne way, have you ever seen Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back?...well anyway theres a little line in there that Ben Affleck has when talking about the internet...he says that america has been givin a voice and apparently the people of america has chosen to use that voice to bitch about movies or actors that they claim to despise, yet cant seem to quit talking about....dude, think about that...get a life

Posted by: Phat Pat at September 4, 2003 9:44 PM

"Todd’s site used to be much more adult, about things like HTML, validation, Apple, etc., and now that’s changed".

Todd, in defense of your lack of "adulthood," as described by others, I happen to find your perspective on this and other pop culture issues right on the money. That's what first attracted me to your site. Sure, it may be primarily about technological subjects and for technology people, but your unique insight into society lends a credible, personal touch to the business side of this site. So keep it up, regardless of the naysayers.

Posted by: Eva at September 12, 2003 5:18 PM

Madonna would even kiss a skunk to push up her 'relevancy'. Britney would even kiss a... eh. Pop-rock-hip-hop-whatever: big pile of trash.

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