To Edit Thyself
A number of years ago I was a freshly scrubbed, enthusiastic, thoroughly inexperienced and ignorant twenty-something entering the work force out of college. More than anything, I wanted to do a good job - hell, a great job - and was willing to do just about anything to keep what, at the time, I thought was a privileged position.
I hit a speed bump a few months in when a third-party business our company was involved with, one falling under my umbrella of responsibility, didn't follow what I assumed was a strict outline for our business relationship. I was angry, incensed, and embarrassed over the problem, while unknowingly shaping a molehill into a mountain.
I fired off an enraged letter, and faxed it to my contact at the other company. My words, while accurate of the situation, were wildly out-of-bounds and uncalled for. It did, however, get their attention.
A new dialogue began, and while the problem eventually smoothed itself out, and my superiors were pleased with the results, feelings were quite damaged on both sides and we were never to speak again.
Until, that is, a few years later.
Suddenly thrust into a situation where we had to do business together again, and in thorough disgust with myself over how I handled our relationship years before, I phoned them up. The contact recognized my name immediately. You see, they couldn't forget it - they had taped my angry fax to the wall of their office years back, and it was still hanging there. I apologized, and after a long conversation, we were clicking along once again.
To this day, I wonder if my stupid, adolescent rant is hanging on their wall (if it ever truly was). Even if it isn't, the experience taught me a very good lesson - one that applies to any type of relationship, or even publishing content on the web (like weblogs) - megaphones, and avenues of non-physical communication (email, fax, letters), should always be treated with respect, intelligence, and most importantly caution.
Anger is natural, but expressing it in a non-constructive, combative manner rarely helps. Think, be patient. Express yourself honestly and - when necessary - with vigor and confidence. Just don't be a twit.
Comments
This is so true! Thanks for the reminder.
Posted by: Stefan Smalla at January 18, 2003 5:57 PM
i tend to re-read everything before i post. not only does it allow me to (hopefully) pick out any typo's, it also gives me a chance to ask "do i really want to say that?" the answer isn't always yes.
Posted by: pete at January 18, 2003 7:32 PM
A twit? A TWIT! Who you calling a twit? Why I oughta come over there right now and ... oh, wait. Sorry. You're right. Sorry.
Posted by: Stacy at January 18, 2003 8:47 PM
What I'd like to know is what happened to dredge up this memory in a forceful enough manner to require a posting about it.
Dish, Dominey.
Posted by: Corey at January 18, 2003 9:54 PM
That is some great advice, expecially for a college boy like myself. Many times have I been cought up in heated conversations via email or chat and later wished I could recall that click of the send button.
Posted by: Paul at January 18, 2003 10:18 PM
I guess this leaves out Noel Godin's entarteur approach...
Posted by: Ricardo Lamego at January 19, 2003 6:12 AM
Corey's right: Something must have brought this about. It was the "saucy millionaire" comment on Hivelogic, wasn't it.
I *knew* I should have held back.
Posted by: Dan at January 19, 2003 9:37 AM
I gotta agree with Corey and Dan. I agree with you, too - absolutely, but enquiring minds want to know - what brought this up?
Posted by: Ben at January 19, 2003 1:58 PM
BRAVO!
I seek to remind myself of this every day. I didn't learn it quite your way, but I've seen others get into the slp-fight mode enough to know it will at least make it hard for the slapfighter somewhere on down the road.
Posted by: mike at January 19, 2003 11:31 PM
It only took one bad experience with a poorly-written, ill-advised email that came back to bite me in the butt. One of the few life lessons I actually learned right out of school, without too much damage done.
I've gotten emails like that too, and it takes a long, long time for the sting to go away sometimes, even if you know they are wrong.
Write, save, walk, rethink, reread. Repeat if necessary. Show it to a spouse/coworker.
As an aside, I always treat every email like everyone will read it, because they potentially could. =O
Posted by: A. White at January 19, 2003 11:49 PM
I was once the subject of a raving email -- I was compared to Hitler -- and I wrote and re-wrote angry retorts, one after another and then a month later I would start over again. Never sent one of them. Thanks for reminding me why.
Posted by: Richard at January 20, 2003 10:45 AM
This thing we call the internet provides an easy way to say things that we normally wouldn't say directly to someone face-to-face (message boards, emails, etc.).
You can look at it either way... BAD that people can be so cruel to one another, or BAD that people are cowards and can't say what they feel unless they hide behind their keyboard.
Posted by: Jeff Hartman at January 20, 2003 10:45 AM
I have always had a folder in my email programs called Venom which was where I put all my raging emails. It feels so good to write hateful and mean emails especially when you are justified, but it doesn't feel as good to send them.
Posted by: JMBR at January 20, 2003 11:31 AM
It is good to fight the urge to hit that Send button right away - many of us don't learn how damaging and resentful words alone can be until we face such issues the hard way. I have been object of several enraged, send-first-think-later emails in the past as well... guess what my opinion of such people is.
Posted by: Beto at January 20, 2003 12:38 PM
Sage advice. Maturely stated. Thanks. We should all be so thoughtful.
Posted by: Jonathan at January 20, 2003 12:43 PM
my mantra has always been - "be careful of the toes you step on today, for they might be attached to the asses you have to kiss tomorrow."
Posted by: DJSUBg at January 20, 2003 5:46 PM
very good advice. I forget that sometimes in my ranting and raving. not too long ago I hurt a womanīs feelings because I critisized a design contest and called it a "joke". I thought I was critisizing a company (who, for me had no faces or names) and found out later that she was very offended by my comments because it was her idea for the company and she couldnīt understand my (our) critisism. It made me look even stupid though because her aims were true and I was so unfair in my post. Thanks for the reminder.
Posted by: alisha at January 22, 2003 8:35 AM
great article m8....so true in every sense....
thanks for sharing! : )
Posted by: anders at February 24, 2003 9:40 PM
