Deduct This
I hate income taxes. No, let's back up and be truthful. I fucking hate income taxes. I just completed a 10-hour tango with Quicken, TurboTax and a mound of cryptic bank records and am feeling incredibly snippy, and little embarrassed.
Part of the annual fun of doing taxes, especially if you're self employed as I am, is categorizing all your expenses from the past year in your life. A 12-month slice of expenditures, of freelance jobs that you spent more time on than you could bill for because you're such a goddamn perfectionist, and a Nasdaq heavy portfolio that's almost comedic fodder. No, wait, it is.
You can learn a lot about yourself by what you consume. On average, I spent less money last year on clothes than I ever have (that's what getting married will do to a bachelor). I spent less money on CDs and restaurants as well. And then there's my Green's Liquor Store category, which I'd rather not talk about.
So what replaced these former fetishes? Home Depot. Goddamn Home Depot. My jaw dropped. I couldn't have spent that much! I don't even own a home. Oh wait, then there's my groceries category, with a steady stream of COSTCO running down the page. And then there are the charges to Borders, Barnes and Noble, and the venerable Amazon.com. I groaned, and felt so incredibly suburban. So adult. So...
Then I remembered some of the funny things about income taxes. Farmers, despite all the publicity of financial hard-times, must be doing better than the average small businessman (and especially self-employed chumps like myself). TurboTax asked me over, and over, if I had any farm related expenses. Any farm related equipment purchases. Any farm related subsidies from the state, local, or federal government. No, no, and no. I'm just a damn web developer trying to make a living in the dust bowl of the internet.
Then there are what I like to think of as the gansta questions. Do you have any money stashed overseas? Any off-shore business income? Did you purchase a $100,000 car last year? And then my wife, the soon-to-be accountant, plucked this juicy tip out of the tax code - "embezzled money is considered personal income." You don't say.
Now we have the gamblers. "Do you wish to claim any money you lost gambling in 2001?" You mean if I was dumb enough to go out and blow my retirement money on video poker I could have reduced my tax bill? Wow!
In the end, I'm presented with a quarter-inch thick stack of papers to send off to the feds. I pick them up, run through each page multiple times, trying to catch any error, anything out of the ordinary. I'm always straight up with my taxes (really, I am), so I have nothing to be concerned about.
I should be able to relax, and enjoy the fact that I won't have to tackle this beast for at least another year. But what angers me, every year, is the absurd, bloated, overly complex nature of doing taxes. I know, I know, everyone bitches about how complicated tax forms are and all that, but with today's technology, and especially gurus like Tufte who can streamline just about any problem, there simply isn't an excuse.
Well, at least we can laugh about it all. Lewis Black of Comedy Central's The Daily Show is hosting Lewis Black: Taxed Beyond Belief on Comedy Central tonight at 10pm. I'm with you Lewis, I'm with you.
Comments
I just feel the same ... but i, unfortunately, waste more money in health cares and restaurantes that in the last year. So, as you imagine ... i am becoming fat wich is not good for me or my fiancÈ. Yeah! Gonna marry in July... Can i put the expenses as deductible in next year taxes ? ;-)
Regards,
Bruno
PS - Opps! Spend to much in books too ...
Posted by: Bruno at April 12, 2002 11:44 AM
Ahh, Green's... I remember it with much fondness. The police officer on duty knew me, my wife, and our married-couple friends by name. Look at it this way - now that you're done, you can go and add to next year's Green's list.
I gave up doing my own taxes right after I got married. My wife came with a myriad of stock portfolios, investments, mutual funds, and what-not that had to be itemized, and neither of us were willing to do that. Email me if you want the name of my preparer - she's damn good and worth every cent, IMHO.
Posted by: Bob at April 12, 2002 12:40 PM
Oh, and I might add, that all of those mutual funds and investments came in mighty handy when we had to cash them in to buy our first house, pay for fixing up our first house (Home Depot, indeed), pay for repairing our first house after hurricane Opal, pay for our new house, our first child, etc., etc. So much for saving for retirement, eh?
Posted by: Bob at April 12, 2002 12:43 PM
As much as eveyone hates the tax code, it's never going to be reformed in any significant way because so many people are in love with their little deduction. My girlfriend went from apartment living to home ownership. Along with it came a whole host of deductions she never before had contemplated. Multiply that 100 million people and then tell them they have to give up their deductions for a "flat" tax. You would think they would want the postcard approach but it never wins out.
Posted by: John Q at April 13, 2002 2:23 PM
I am still relatively young, so many of the house things are still non-applicable, but still... Damn taxes. It never fails to amaze me how they can take so much out of paychecks and still have the gall to come around once a year and demand more. My friend Nick puts it best: "If Uncle Sam wants a third of our income, tell him to get his candystriped ass down here and do a third of the work!"
(And please, no soapboxing about the value of what we actually get for our tax dollars. I'll care about that next week. Not today.)
Posted by: Geoffrey at April 14, 2002 11:44 PM
I actually have a big refund coming because I was unemployed for so much of 2001. Thank you recession!
BTW, I really don't think farmers have it easy, even if they can deduct that fallow field out back.
Posted by: andrew at April 15, 2002 5:55 AM
Farmer's DON'T have it that easy. They are working on ROI in the 1 - 4 % range.
Granted, a big part of that is their own doing...they rarely stick up for themselves as an organized group.
But, then again, neither do graphic designers and architects.
Posted by: Darrel at April 15, 2002 10:08 AM
My genuine, humble suggestion to you, Todd: find a good accountant. Yes, they cost money you may not have, but each year mine gets his fee back and then some on a larger refund (or less money owed) than me and QuickBooks EVER could.
And the peace of mind is priceless!
Posted by: Shawn at April 16, 2002 2:18 PM
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Posted by: Anonymous at May 22, 2002 10:39 AM
